An Invitation to Women: Stop Biting Your Tongue

Tomorrow is my birthday and to celebrate the 39 years I’ve been alive… I’m giving myself the gift of ceasing to bite my tongue.

Life is short. We all die. Every day could be our last. We only get so many days to breathe and speak.

As women, we have been socialized to be nice, be quiet, and always be a peacemaker. And damn, some of us do it SO WELL.

We are biologically hardwired to “tend and befriend” so this socialization preys on this innate proclivity to make friends and avoid disappointing people amping it up to a toxic level.

If you were raised Mormon (or any other all-encompassing religion), this socialization happened on steroids. Being a Good Mormon Girl and woman is all about toxic positivity and pasting a smile on your face no matter what.

For those of us who also grew up in an abusive family, where to speak our minds meant that we would be punished, this became even more intense. Our nervous systems learned early that it was safer to stay silent and exhibit behaviors of the invisible Nice Girl.

I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life unwinding all of this. Saying fuck you to so many things. Observing my internal reactions to things, moving away from self-judgment and learning to just *be* with all that I am (the innate me and the me that was conditioned by bullshit).

It’s been a profound experience of untangling, unwinding, and falling deeply in love with life and my own soul.

But it’s been a constant source of terror to speak my mind in 99% of settings. My nervous system just trends right toward a freeze/fawn state. And it’s been incredibly hard to get over (I’m certain many of you can relate, which is why I’m sharing this experience - to validate what we go through).

I’ve become obsessed with the nervous system over the past few years, and the more I sit with mine, the more gentle and slow my approach with myself has become. And the more I know how to help myself rewire the neural pathways that have caused me so much anxiety and struggle.

This process will likely be for the rest of my life, and I know that it probably won’t ever be truly “fixed.”  And that is absolutely okay. I believe that I’ve experienced this life in the way that I have for a reason, and I practice radical acceptance and releasing on a daily basis.

Part of this process is to finally face my fears of speaking my mind. For many years, I didn’t think I had opinions (a common experience for those of us who live in a freeze/fawn NS state). And a portion of this is a normal youthful experience of life. It takes us a while to figure out where we belong in this world. 

For those of us who are quiet, this means we spend many years quietly observing. Our opinions slowly develop through many complex experiences, explorations, research, and loads of observation.

But the past few years have pulled many of us out of our happy gray zones, where we could blissfully hide, allow the world to “just be,” and continue on with our calm in the woods.

Many of us have realized just how much we were biting our tongues throughout our entire lives. And when we did speak up, we did so via heavily influenced “in-group” opinions we knew would be accepted and safely supported by others.

Well, it’s my birthday tomorrow. I’m one year closer to the day I’ll contentedly curl up under 6 feet of dirt. And guess what? I’m done being nice and biting my tongue.

It’s time to speak my damn mind…and goddess knows I’ve earned it.

I’m going to lose friends and followers over this. I’ve been sitting with this sometimes cripplingly heavy anticipation of community loss for YEARS, and only now feel almost completely at peace with it. In this world, sometimes we have to have haters in order to also have lovers who are our true allies. 

I’m done being afraid of the haters. They do not define me or my innate worth. I am ready to live my life with 100% integrity and transparency about who I am and where I stand.

So here’s a preview of my opinions that you’ll love to hate… Or maybe you’ll feel incredibly seen. Either way, your reaction is yours alone and not my problem. This is me, and my worldviews are what I will own. (I also reserve the right to rapidly evolve any of these beliefs at any time, because that is what I do all the time.)

• The past few years have shown me how tyrannical our world is. And just how deeply patriarchal and paternal everything is. They have shown me just how badly we need a matricultural world to rise up again. These years have been the biggest culture shock of my entire life, as I’ve watched supposedly holistic individuals join the madness. It was very hard on my soul to watch the extreme behaviors of the left AND the right - to see humans behave in such antisocial ways. I am still untangling and recovering from this, and maybe I will never be able to truly get over the shock. 

• I did not participate in the madness of crowds by lining up for experimental medical practices, and I will never apologize for that. I believe that Big Pharma is a serious disaster in our modern religious scientism, and it loves to make money off of us. It is the epitome of toxic patriarchal structures that dominate, oppress, and enslave us to systems of power that would love to instill us with ever-increasing fear about our beautiful, wild, innately whole bodies. I will not participate in that, no matter how many angry beliefs people throw at me. There is a LOT of complexity here, and simplistic slogans or appeals to authority represent a scared human brain - not rational or inter-relational thinking. The institution of Science is a self-appointed authority, and absolutely not in alignment with the useful tool of the scientific method (and likely never has been - they are 2 separate things). It is a tyrannical force in our world that seeks to destroy and control that which is beyond human control.

• I am extremely critical of the Medical Industrial Complex. I am not interested in distracting conspiracy theories from people on the political right or left. But I am interested in discussing who holds power in our world. Let’s be honest: it’s not the poor, it’s not most non-white people, it’s not women, it’s not children, and it’s not the other important non-human beings we share this world with. Follow the power + money, and you’ll find an elite class of people who profit from the labor, abuse, manipulation, and control of the masses (if you feel called out in this statement, you might be part of the problem).

• The Medical Industrial Complex is inherently dangerous. It was constructed on a cultural belief system that was toxic, patriarchal af, misogynistic, racist, ethnocentrist, and eurocentric. The idea that only science can be a correct worldview immediately invalidates all other worldviews, centering our toxic culture as the only “valid” culture. The “misinformation” war is a war on the poor, the indigenous, the female, the young, the old, and the freethinking.

• I believe in anarchy. Yep, really. I am no longer aligned with the popular progressive movement. I am not remotely interested in conservatism. I think that all forms of government are inherently oppressive and truly only benefit the ones who run it. I believe that these systems are constructed to work perfectly in their own image. While revisionist intentions come from a well-meaning place, attempts to “change the system” or “fix a broken system” are never ever going to work. Why? Because the systems aren’t actually broken. They’re working as designed. Those who are oppressed will never be able to refashion these systems in their image and to fulfill their needs. The systems are dangerous at their core and will always be inherently violent, seeking violent solutions to “fix” things. Violence comes from patriarchal structures and worldviews, and is inherently anti-woman and anti-child.

• I believe that women, girls, children, and babies are the most vulnerable people on this planet, and have been since the dawn of civilization. They will remain so, regardless of whatever slogan of the day others are obsessed with and shouting in our faces. Women’s issues might be invisible, distasteful, and cause us incredible discomfort when listening to their stories. But to turn away, get bored with their stories, or to add to the problem… These are the issues we have to contend with if we are ever to see a world that isn’t on the road to self-destruction.

• I believe that our world has deluded us into believing many non biologically-appropriate things about women. I am critical of the popular feminist movement that I used to align with, as it has done damage and deluded women away from what they actually need and are (many essays about this to follow). I also am highly critical of the conservative perspectives on women, as they are equally damaging and spread lies that are literally the other side of the same coin. Neither perspective is actually pro-woman. They are both rooted in patriarchy, misogyny, and an inherent distrust of women. (In case you’re confused, patriarchy is a social system that, yes, women can enact too.)

• I believe that women are inherently wild and cannot truly escape this wildness, despite a world that has taught us we are domesticated (whatever the hell that means). This is the core of why powerful men have been so damn jealous of the female sex ever since the beginning of patriarchy 10,000-ish years ago. Truly the only thing we have to do is remember our wildness, reclaim it, and immediately the world would be revolutionized (remember we make up roughly half of this planet…). Yep, I truly believe it’s that simple - and it is my purpose in life to support women in waking up to their wildness and sovereignty.

• I believe that the only social structure that will heal this planet and fix the grievous terrors we’ve inflicted upon each other and this magnificent earth is one that is matriarchal, matricultural, and matrifocal. Whatever word you want to call it…women-centered societies are the healthiest, safest, and most sustainable societies that have ever existed. They are our original social structure. They are safest for boys and men, ending the insane violence men commit toward each other on a daily basis. A mother-baby centered society is literally the ONLY ONE that will fix any of this. Anarchist at their core, they flatten the hierarchy, remove lies of civilization, and create safety for all beings.

• I am gender critical and very passionate about it. This has been the scariest thing for me to express, because I’ve watched as the witch burning parties have come for the women who take a stand. But I would be deeply disappointing my ancestors and all women everywhere if I remained silent. And so I’m taking a stand. I believe we are currently experiencing one of the most misogynistic attacks on women and girls the world has ever experienced. The medicalization of children’s bodies, the mutilation of women’s bodies, and demand for male bodies to invade the safety of female-only spaces…and the powerful elite who are driving this trend and making the most insane amounts of money from it is one of the biggest rackets of our day. There I said it. And I - not a remotely straight woman - stand by this statement. 

• I will forever defend the autonomy of women in a world that truly hates them and tries to destroy them. The medicalization of the female body is one of the most significant hateful acts of history that has destroyed our ancestral wisdom - and at a worldwide level. Indigenous cultures are not immune to the insane cultural destruction we have brought to their doorsteps. This is not innocuous and we not fucking saviors. We create problems and then show up to fix them. AT EVERY LEVEL. Antibiotics were not worth this global cultural damage.

• I am not actually an angry or easily offended person (it’s really hard to piss me off). My true form is as a daydreamy, quiet woman who loves to read, compose music, adore animals, and fully immerse herself in timeless wanderings in the woods. Life has pulled me away from this goddess-blessed state so I can enact a purpose that is based on calling out cultural bullshit. My anger is righteous, well researched, science/biology/physiology based, founded on a belief that our modern worldview isn’t the only valid one, and incredibly skeptical of all systems of belief that smell cultish. I don’t mess around, and I will always end an argument with standing for women, girls, and sweet children globally. You cannot pry me from this purpose, as girls and women everywhere are experiencing the most horrendous violence every single second of every single day. There is no issue you can present to me that is more important than creating a safe world for them. None. Zero.

There are other very uncomfortable opinions I have after all of these years of sitting with all sides of various issues - I love learning about ideas, their counter arguments, and additional perspectives. But those deserve long essays to fully explore (many of which I have ready to publish).

So there you have it. I’m sure I just made several of you very, very angry. Awesome. Creating cognitive dissonance is one of my favorite rebellious acts. Feel free to unfriend, unfollow, or whatever floats your boat. I’ve let every single one of you go in my heart, and the ones that stay will make me feel pleasantly surprised. I’m sending love to each one of you, as you go out into the world and do what feels right to you. I’m not here to tell you what to do (in fact I’m fighting for your choice and autonomy). But I sure as hell don’t believe in the stifling of women’s voices or telling them to shut up because their words make others uncomfortable.

We could also use a little more cognitive dissonance, critical thinking, skepticism, and less groupthink in our lives.

Now I’m off to the woods where I actually belong. xo